Sunday, April 1, 2012

The Hunger Games--Who are our Filipino Tributes

Who would be our tributes in case that post-apocalyptic scenario in the movie, The Hunger Games,  happened here in the Philippines? Well, for this fine Sunday morning, let me nominate twelve (12) possible tributes.

1. Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago--This highly trained marksperson would surely give the competition a nice fight. Imagine, with her expertise in handling guns, Miriam would not only kill her competition---she will also make them deaf with her lectures. Look at what happened to Atty. Vitaliano. :-)

2. Senator Lito Lapid---Reprising his role as Leon Guerrero, Lapid would surely bring the Hunger Games to the next level! What Guerrero will do is ask Tagalog questions, and when the competition failed to even understand his Tagalog, would open fire and get them all tied up with his lasso. 

3. Justice Antonio Carpio---One less person who want to dominate politics through his rent-seeking ways. Enough said. Carpio is no marksman, but his glib tongue would be just fine. Imagine him sneaking his way out in every rut for more than twenty years already, regardless of who's in top. That's Firm. 

4. Energy secretary Jose Almendras. I remember one useless simpleton in my middle school class. He's such a useless guy that every single time that a teacher wants a volunteer, we would convince him to volunteer. In Almendras' case, he is so useless, it is unimaginable why still give a budget to the Department of Energy, when, all this department does is approve big-ticket energy projects without even providing a road-map on how to solve the humongous energy needs of this country. Level of survival at the games, nil. Level of fighting at the games, neophyte. Score after the games, zero.

5. DTI secretary Domingo. This is also one guy who seems nebulous when it comes to his job. He does not know anything and keeps on blabbering and not keeping tab on rising prices of commodities. 

6. Executive Secretary Paquito Ochoa Jr. He was designated as crime czar but all he does is Noynoying. Ochoa is also a useless guy. Remember the very first Executive Order issued by this President? Remember the ruckus it created because obviously, that E.O. was poorly written. Yet, Ochoa never really admitted culpability and just continued providing erroneous counsel to an unknowing President. 

7. Jovito Palparan. Now, we will know how this guy really is, if he, indeed, is the butcher that his accusers say he is. Without his army, can the Butcher survive the Hunger Games alone? Odds are 50 to 1.

8. Tina Yu aka Tina Santos now. A survivor of the Bureau of Customs, Tina Yu is still operating her illegal smuggling ways at the Bureau of Customs, using other dummies. Even a Jaguar of a General, General Danny Lim, is helpless. In the Hunger Games, I would like to know how strong Tina really is. Can Tina smuggle her way out of the Games? Let's see!

9. Sonny Coloma and Ricky Carandang. For the first time in the history of the Hunger Games, we have allowed the nomination of two tributes from just one satellite. Reason: even these two can't survive it. Imagine the prescription they gave the President in neutralizing what the President's detractors say about their principal? Release photos of him doing something, just to prove that he, indeed, is working his ass off. How can these two survive? By saying sorry, every single time? Whoa.

10. PNP chief Nick Bartolome. He's the head of the national police and really, people are asking where they are, really. Yet, I don't blame him. The PNP lacks the proper modern equipment to really fight crime. That's why the best solution, according to Bart, is re-impose the death penalty, to create a chilling effect. But, as I said in previous posts, when a person is being pushed to the wall due to extreme poverty and hunger, you can't simply ask him not to do illegal things. He'll do whatever available for him to satiate his hunger. That's what many people are doing---resorting to illicit ways just to survive this harsh environment of rising oil prices and food stuffs.

11. SWS and Pulse Asia pollsters. Imagine these people allowing themselves to be dragged into politics. Imagine them destroying their very reputation, releasing those surveys to influence public opinion. Time to really build an alternative poll body which will really show and reflect the people's sentiments. These two polling firms are doing their best defending the status quo, hiding the real facts from us, the People.

12. Bong Naguiat Jr. He threw everything out in the window, abandoning the straight path and sided with someone who's reputation is questionable. It is also questionable if he can survive the Hunger Games.