Unknown to my friends, I suffered and underwent a tumultuous ten years before I finally found the peace that I enjoy today. Yes, things were quite difficult the very first step I took away from university life. During my stay in the University, things were pretty much okey and stable. When I went out, I had difficulties adjusting to life outside U.P.'s permeable walls.
It was not money that I lack back then---it was love. Yes, love.
I had an impressive resume that helped me secure the job I want. I did a great job in my studies and earned excellent grades. That's why, even before I graduated from the University, I received so many job offers. I neither used my friends nor my contact to secure a job. I went the regular route.
Fact is, I financed my studies at the University. I did part-time work as a Wendy's staff during college, spent some time as a researcher at the Jose W. Diokno foundation to earn a decent wage, and served as a Marketing Executive for Loyola Educational Systems Incorporated before I even graduated. Those monies I earned I used to finance my studies, buy hundreds of books (mostly Socialist and about dialectics) and some I spent going to numerous libraries to xerox and put into one compilation (I had all of Karl Marx's writings compiled into one book. During my difficult years, I had to sell it to my frat brother, Dante. I also sold most of my books during this time, which I call my "hermetical years")
The very first job I had was a Newswriter cum desk of DZBB. It was in 1992. I was then with someone I think I love. My dream was to teach. I took teaching demos at U.P. Baguio because my professors recommended that that's the place for me. I passed. I also tried U.P. Manila. I thought then that I can work two jobs all at the same time---writing at GMA7 DZBB and teaching in the morning. This I did for one and a half years---going to GMA7 at 9pm up to 7am and then go to U.P. Manila to teach at about 10am and finishing every single class at about 2 or 3pm. Then I go home and sleep.
I never thought that this initial decision would eventually shape the person I am today. I never tire being a writer and I never tire being a strategic marketing consultant. And I never really thought that most of what I did these past few years would shape this society today.
There were two instances which really helped me straighten my path---when I woke up with a hangover at Ayala Alabang village and my sojourn in Singapore.
For about five years, I went out with my friends, drank myself to death and spent a week recuperating. One instance which convinced me to change my life was when I woke up still with a hangover at one of the houses of my friends in Alabang. I was so drunk, I decided to hate ABSOLUT-ly, everything beyond 12% proof.
Another one was when I fell along busy Ayala avenue and had to be taken to Makati Medical Center due to a bump in my head.
Now, I don't drink anymore--only an occasional sip of red wine.
My years working in Singapore molded my current thinking today. I discovered so many things about myself and my capabilities that I felt invincible---insofar as marketing is concerned. I helped a company get an 8 million dollar contract with VISA, and really immersed myself in marketing research, business development and branding that every single thing I proposed, it got approved in all those countries which we pitched it.
Now, my former boss has a helicopter of his own and my former company is the top company as far as marketing services for credit card companies is concerned.
I figured, I could actually die there happy. Yep, I enjoyed the simple life in Singapore. Yes, there were occasional visits by friends (political even) there.
What convinced me to come back was a news article which featured an interview with Senator Greg Honasan. Honasan criticized people who want change but abandoned the struggle when they went abroad. This convinced me to come back.
The rest, as they say, is History. Every single day, I create History. People may not know it, but the very things that shape their perception today, most of them, came from my efforts.
Why the revelation now? Well....
I thought about my friend, Bobby Capco and his great love, Elaine. They are experiencing hardship and fighting for their love. Whenever I think about Bob, I shed so many tears because, like what I experienced more than a decade ago, I, too, suffered because of love. I loved a person so much that I had difficulties recovering for more than three years.
And do you know what kept me going? Prayers and a strong faith that a Higher Power exists. Yes.
I admit---eight long years I spent without God. I was an atheist.
I re-discovered God when I was a journalist, when, the Light so shine upon me during my coverage of the Sipadan hostage crisis. It was a revelation I will never forget and will not share here (very personal).
When I finally found God, all the hurt, the fears, the insecurities, the dread of life and of death, all dissipated. God, for me, is not a person, but the purest of the pure of Spirits.
God is the ultimate and one source of power in the Universe. It is an understanding of the processes and laws that shape the Universe. When I discovered that String theory and Quantum Physics coincide with what the ancient scriptures revealed thousands of years ago, I found the best evidence of God.
In all my life, there is one constant--change. Change, however, can be controlled. If God's will is attuned to one's will, then, things will go your way, because you suffered everything to that Power.
My friend, Bobby, surrender yourself to God, and things will be better, I tell you.
And to those who read this, may you also surrender your entire will to God. And peace you will surely enjoy.
AMEN.
A Prayer
Lord, heavenly Father, the Source of Everything, the Purest of the pure of Spirits, I praise Your Most Holy Names.
You, alone, are God. You alone shape the very futures we so desire. You alone control the Universe. Your Laws are just.
Lord, please cleanse our spirits. Let our Spirits be pure like yours. Teach us to shun evil and sin. Let your Light so shine upon us, always.
Heavenly God, please help my friends, Bobby and Elaine. Whatever they are encountering now, let your Hand guide them. Protect them. Shield them from harm. Let your light always shine upon them so that they will know where to tread.
Heavenly Father, cure whatever ails them. In the Name of God, cast away this illness. Let Your Providence shine upon them, always.
This I pray to You, God the Father. AMEN.
Ricky, I was touched when you wrote a poem when I told you about Elaine's breast cancer. I have been a selfish, boorish, too self-asured successful yuppie that I found myself examining my life after Elaine suffered a stroke in March 24, 2010. It shattered me to think that I had spent 90% of my time with my career and only 8% with the woman that I vowed before the altar of God to love and live with till death do us part. It also hurt me that when Elaine finally proved to herself that I really loved her, it was after she had to suffer from terrible pain (a stroke from a ruptured aneurysm is like hearing a thunderclap inside your head) and a long period of convalescence. Many friends turned away because I no longer spent my time with them. What saddened me most was that many of Elaine's friends no longer visited nor even asked about her. I had to ask some of them to visit her to cheer her up. I had a fight with my in-laws; many of my own siblings became afraid of me. But in all these hardships Elaine was the source of my strength. I would yell, shout obscenities, curse everyone for the hared times I went through. I resented other people's expression of support and pity for me; I felt I was not being treated fairly by fate. But in all this, Elaine and I became stronger in our faith in God, and slowly became more understanding of other people's frailties. It did not stop me from being a man of quick tember, but Elaine always was the one to tell me after, "O, 'wag ka na umiyak. Kasama mo naman ako eh."
ReplyDeleteWe have been blessed to have friends like you, Jun Zuniga, Zaldy Balbin, Claro Fernandez, Yong Afable, Mike Reyes, Vot Vitug, etc. All of you stayed with me and Elaine throughout our ordeal. Yong in particular I owe so much for being a father-like figure who always brought out the best talent in me, and tempered my angry spirit with anecdotes about his own younger days and a very clear and strategic analysis of whatever we talk about.
God is present among all of you, Elaine and I discovered, because you all taught us to love each other more. Our latest ordeal is something we could not have dealt with alone, and yet you and Jun and the rest were always there to encourage us to be stronger in body and in spirit. God bless you all, pare! You are right.