8 years without God, thirty three with God

Unknown to my friends, I suffered and underwent a tumultuous ten years before I finally found the peace that I enjoy today. Yes, things were quite difficult the very first step I took away from university life. During my stay in the University, things were pretty much okey and stable. When I went out, I had difficulties adjusting to life outside U.P.'s permeable walls.

It was not money that I lack back then---it was love. Yes, love.

I had an impressive resume that helped me secure the job I want. I did a great job in my studies and earned excellent grades. That's why, even before I graduated from the University, I received so many job offers. I neither used my friends nor my contact to secure a job. I went the regular route. 

Fact is, I financed my studies at the University. I did part-time work as a Wendy's staff during college, spent some time as a researcher at the Jose W. Diokno foundation to earn a decent wage, and served as a Marketing Executive for Loyola Educational Systems Incorporated before I even graduated. Those monies I earned I used to finance my studies, buy hundreds of books (mostly Socialist and about dialectics) and some I spent going to numerous libraries to xerox and put into one compilation (I had all of Karl Marx's writings compiled into one book. During my difficult years, I had to sell it to my frat brother, Dante. I also sold most of my books during this time, which I call my "hermetical years")

The very first job I had was a Newswriter cum desk of DZBB. It was in 1992. I was then with someone I think I love. My dream was to teach. I took teaching demos at U.P. Baguio because my professors recommended that that's the place for me. I passed. I also tried U.P. Manila. I thought then that I can work two jobs all at the same time---writing at GMA7 DZBB and teaching in the morning. This I did for one and a half years---going to GMA7 at 9pm up to 7am and then go to U.P. Manila to teach at about 10am and finishing every single class at about 2 or 3pm. Then I go home and sleep. 

I never thought that this initial decision would eventually shape the person I am today. I never tire being a writer and I never tire being a strategic marketing consultant. And I never really thought that most of what I did these past few years would shape this society today.

There were two instances which really helped me straighten my path---when I woke up with a hangover at Ayala Alabang village and my sojourn in Singapore.

For about five years, I went out with my friends, drank myself to death and spent a week recuperating. One instance which convinced me to change my life was when I woke up still with a hangover at one of the houses of my friends in Alabang. I was so drunk, I decided to hate ABSOLUT-ly, everything beyond 12% proof. 

Another one was when I fell along busy Ayala avenue and had to be taken to Makati Medical Center due to a bump in my head.

Now, I don't drink anymore--only an occasional sip of red wine.

My years working in Singapore molded my current thinking today. I discovered so many things about myself and my capabilities that I felt invincible---insofar as marketing is concerned. I helped a company get an 8 million dollar contract with VISA, and really immersed myself in marketing research, business development and branding that every single thing I proposed, it got approved in all those countries which we pitched it.

Now, my former boss has a helicopter of his own and my former company is the top company as far as marketing services for credit card companies is concerned.

I figured, I could actually die there happy. Yep, I enjoyed the simple life in Singapore. Yes, there were occasional visits by friends (political even) there. 

What convinced me to come back was a news article which featured an interview with Senator Greg Honasan. Honasan criticized people who want change but abandoned the struggle when they went abroad. This convinced me to come back.

The rest, as they say, is History. Every single day, I create History. People may not know it, but the very things that shape their perception today, most of them, came from my efforts. 

Why the revelation now? Well....

I thought about my friend, Bobby Capco and his great love, Elaine. They are experiencing hardship and fighting for their love. Whenever I think about Bob, I shed so many tears because, like what I experienced more than a decade ago, I, too, suffered because of love. I loved a person so much that I had difficulties recovering for more than three years.  

And do you know what kept me going? Prayers and a strong faith that a Higher Power exists. Yes.

I admit---eight long years I spent without God. I was an atheist.

I re-discovered God when I was a journalist, when, the Light so shine upon me during my coverage of the Sipadan hostage crisis. It was a revelation I will never forget and will not share here (very personal).

When I finally found God, all the hurt, the fears, the insecurities, the dread of life and of death, all dissipated. God, for me, is not a person, but the purest of the pure of Spirits. 

God is the ultimate and one source of power in the Universe. It is an understanding of the processes and laws that shape the Universe. When I discovered that String theory and Quantum Physics coincide with what the ancient scriptures revealed thousands of years ago, I found the best evidence of God. 

In all my life, there is one constant--change. Change, however, can be controlled. If God's will is attuned to one's will, then, things will go your way, because you suffered everything to that Power.

My friend, Bobby, surrender yourself to God, and things will be better, I tell you.

And to those who read this, may you also surrender your entire will to God. And peace you will surely enjoy.

AMEN.

A Prayer

Lord, heavenly Father, the Source of Everything, the Purest of the pure of Spirits, I praise Your Most Holy Names.

You, alone, are God. You alone shape the very futures we so desire. You alone control the Universe. Your Laws are just.

Lord, please cleanse our spirits. Let our Spirits be pure like yours. Teach us to shun evil and sin. Let your Light so shine upon us, always.

Heavenly God, please help my friends, Bobby and Elaine. Whatever they are encountering now, let your Hand guide them. Protect them. Shield them from harm. Let your light always shine upon them so that they will know where to tread.

Heavenly Father, cure whatever ails them. In the Name of God, cast away this illness. Let Your Providence shine upon them, always.

This I pray to You, God the Father. AMEN.

Mar Roxas and the Search for the Maginoo

I admit--I was a vocal critic of Senator Mar Roxas. Eversince he debased himself with that Mr. Palengke campaign, my high regard for the good senator fell. Among the bevy of senatoriables in his generation, Mar, for me, was the best of the best. Being an academic, for me, it's utterly senseless for someone as brilliant as Mar to undertake a campaign that was too baduy and too cutesy for comfort. Yes, he landed Number One on the first try. Why? Because people wanted to give him a chance to show that beneath those Mr. Palengke suit lies a true, blue, brilliant leader wanting to spearhead the campaign for true change.

In his first years, Mar Roxas did'nt disappoint the people. He spearheaded the Young Turks in Congress. Exhibiting integrity, Mar was the epitome of a fine leader we never had before. In my mind, he was the prime example of a maginoo, a true patriot.

However, in the last few months, especially when he announced his desire for the presidency, Mar turned out to be a letdown. His stand on issues sometimes ran counter to what the people feel. There was this disconnect from Mar Roxas' thoughts and political philosophy with that of the people's. As one observer noted, Mar is showing his true colors as a brilliant technocrat instead of showing his populist robe. To win, you need to be a populist. And most of those who support him, wants him to be a populist.

That was my expectation last Friday, January 9. Along with fellow bloggers DJB, Ding, Jester, Flowell, Marck, CaffeineSparks, and a host of others, I was expecting to talk to a veteran politico. I was expecting that Mar Roxas will mouth platitudes, and a ton of generalities on questions about the economy, etc. the way politicos do.

I was proven wrong.

Mar Roxas showed exactly the opposite. He was frank. He showed brilliance in his answers, especially that animated debate with DJB on the Bangsamoro question, on the issue of lingua franca and the Reproductive Health bill. I was expecting a politico, but I met a professor.

I also expected someone without any ideological platform. Again, I was wrong. Analyzing him and observing his demeanor when he was talking with us, showed me that this person has strong principles and strong opinions. He knows what he's talking about and he can defend it to high heavens.

I liked what he said when Ding asked him about his relationship with Korina. Mar told us straight and without battling an eyelash---that's (marriage) a personal decision between Korina and him. Ergo, whatever people think about his thing with Korina, he does'nt care. He loves Korina, period. And he does'nt give a damn whatever people think about it. A true maginoo.

Very presidential, don't you think? It shows that Mar cannot and will not be influenced by any outside view. Mar is his own man. He has his own take on things and simply, his views is as rock-solid as steel. Yet, beneath that veneer, I also sensed that Mar is also a man who can take the blows, and accepts countrary views. He can take a punch. Yet, he's magnanimous enough to accept comments and synthesize good views with his views.

Mar Roxas exhibited the finest character of a statesman, an academic, an ideologue and a doer--traits which I expect for my future president to have come 2010.

More than this though, I find him to be a gentleman. When asked about his future intentions on marriage, he said that he must be excused this time since his personal relationship with Korina should be best left to him and Korina. Good answer.

In my entire life, I voted just once---in the presidential elections of 1992 when Liberal Party and former Senate President Jovito Salonga ran. I'm not a Liberal by the way. I just thought that Salonga is better than Fidel V. Ramos.

Now, I definitely see the prospect of a good president in the likes of Mr. Mar Roxas. Mar is a work in progress and truly, Bobby Capco and the rest of the nationalistic staff of the good senator will definitely have their hands full in the coming weeks and months.

Mr. Senator, you have my vote. And I'll try to convince others to follow you. You have the potential of becoming the best president of this generation.